Did I misread something? Were we just on/off and the right/wrong times? I should have been more open. I thought I was? Was I not obvious about my feelings for you? Maybe it was too much from me? Maybe you weren't there when I was? Maybe I wasn't there when you were? I miss you. I miss being beside you. I miss looking into you eyes that grab and hold me. I miss when you touch my waist when you walk past me. Maybe I'm just being stupid? I cherished every night and morning with you. I remember every time we just hungout. You make my heart race. You make me blush. You make me feel silly. I miss your jokes. I miss your gazes. I can't stop thinking about you. Even after all this time away from you.
Maybe I'm just a silly stupid girl....?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
my 2 precious hours of quiet time (Pt 1)
Last night I had the pleasure of having two hours of ME time sitting outside, in the gorgeous evening air, thinking about the state of my life. I won't go into everything, seeing as how some of it is a bit heavy.
I am not a patient person. Everyone that knows me, knows this. I think a lot of that has to do with outlook on life. Life goes by way too quickly, it happens fast. If you don't act on something, it could very well zoom right past you. I've played the waiting game before, and it's not something I enjoy. I've been waiting for some things to happen for quite some time now, and by doing so, I've let other things zoom past me. "Wait....how the hell did that happen?" Some people will call "fate. destiny." Whatever man. I believe opprotunites are shown to you to take advantage of them. I'm not a "Wait and See" kind of girl, at all! I like to take action, to make things happen. If there is a problem, I like to fix it right there and then.
Enjoying the little things. This is probably my favorite thing to do! I love to take a moment and enjoy these things :) I have a friend that comes over to hangout with Abbi and I, and I really enjoy the time. It's nice to have someone around that loves your daughter, and enjoys spending time with you too. Even if it's just for a couple hours, it's nice to know that person cares enough about us to take time out of their day, to show how much they appreicate us. Getting that text from someone that just says "Hi, I'm thinking about you. Hope you're having a good day" can turn my mood around on a dime! Going outside, stretching and soaking everything in is one of the most refreshing things to do. Smiling at a customer and telling them hi. All those little things add up to big things!
Spending time with those I care about. I know my time is more limited these days. Working full-time, being a mom, friends, family. I can get very overwelmed very fast! But that doesn't mean I don't have the time for those in my life. I can't drop everything and meet up with friends downtown anymore. But I do try my hardest to make time to do just that (which is usually on the weekends). My evenings are spent at home with Abbi, and when she goes to bed, I have LOTS of free time...at my home :) I can't get a sitter for her every night so I can go out, nor would I want to! I love spending time with my daughter, she's awesome! Flexibility is the key to making this happen.
I try to keep a positive outlook on life. Lately this has been a little hard. I've been letting a lot of things get to me and bring me down. I don't know if it's just because I've been pretty busy, not getting enough sleep, not eating enough of the right foods and/or enough food. I try to give thanks whenever I remember too (memory isn't the best these days, probably for the all the same reason as above). I even give thanks when I catch a green light! LOL! Seriously, try saying "thank you". Last night, I was on the verge of snapping. I hadn't ate much, I was exhausted, there were so many things to get done, and Abbi was very fussy and demanding of attention. I went up to my friend who was playing with Abbi, and gave them a HUGE hug and said "Thank you. Thank you for being here and for always being there for me and us". After that, I felt so much better and relaxed and ended up having a great night! The power of being thankful is strong.
So I'll wrap up this rambling with....Be thankful. Be still and listen. Take action. Do the little things. Surround yourself with good people. Be open. And everything will be alright! :)
Part 2 to come later...stay tuned!
Much Love
I am not a patient person. Everyone that knows me, knows this. I think a lot of that has to do with outlook on life. Life goes by way too quickly, it happens fast. If you don't act on something, it could very well zoom right past you. I've played the waiting game before, and it's not something I enjoy. I've been waiting for some things to happen for quite some time now, and by doing so, I've let other things zoom past me. "Wait....how the hell did that happen?" Some people will call "fate. destiny." Whatever man. I believe opprotunites are shown to you to take advantage of them. I'm not a "Wait and See" kind of girl, at all! I like to take action, to make things happen. If there is a problem, I like to fix it right there and then.
Enjoying the little things. This is probably my favorite thing to do! I love to take a moment and enjoy these things :) I have a friend that comes over to hangout with Abbi and I, and I really enjoy the time. It's nice to have someone around that loves your daughter, and enjoys spending time with you too. Even if it's just for a couple hours, it's nice to know that person cares enough about us to take time out of their day, to show how much they appreicate us. Getting that text from someone that just says "Hi, I'm thinking about you. Hope you're having a good day" can turn my mood around on a dime! Going outside, stretching and soaking everything in is one of the most refreshing things to do. Smiling at a customer and telling them hi. All those little things add up to big things!
Spending time with those I care about. I know my time is more limited these days. Working full-time, being a mom, friends, family. I can get very overwelmed very fast! But that doesn't mean I don't have the time for those in my life. I can't drop everything and meet up with friends downtown anymore. But I do try my hardest to make time to do just that (which is usually on the weekends). My evenings are spent at home with Abbi, and when she goes to bed, I have LOTS of free time...at my home :) I can't get a sitter for her every night so I can go out, nor would I want to! I love spending time with my daughter, she's awesome! Flexibility is the key to making this happen.
I try to keep a positive outlook on life. Lately this has been a little hard. I've been letting a lot of things get to me and bring me down. I don't know if it's just because I've been pretty busy, not getting enough sleep, not eating enough of the right foods and/or enough food. I try to give thanks whenever I remember too (memory isn't the best these days, probably for the all the same reason as above). I even give thanks when I catch a green light! LOL! Seriously, try saying "thank you". Last night, I was on the verge of snapping. I hadn't ate much, I was exhausted, there were so many things to get done, and Abbi was very fussy and demanding of attention. I went up to my friend who was playing with Abbi, and gave them a HUGE hug and said "Thank you. Thank you for being here and for always being there for me and us". After that, I felt so much better and relaxed and ended up having a great night! The power of being thankful is strong.
So I'll wrap up this rambling with....Be thankful. Be still and listen. Take action. Do the little things. Surround yourself with good people. Be open. And everything will be alright! :)
Part 2 to come later...stay tuned!
Much Love
Monday, June 20, 2011
a season of weather
While Abbi is taking her afternoon nap, and the threat of severe weather hangs over us, for the fourth day in a row...now seems like a good time to talk about weather. If you're just joining in and don't know a lot about me, I'm an avid weather freak! Growing in Kansas, it's not hard. As a little girl, I was pushed towards science. I was so curious about how things work and why. I can't count how many tornadoes I've seen, with chasing, hitting an area close to me, or by accident (which has happened more than I care to admit). The weather has always fascinated me. I learned as much as I could understand as the years went on, and decided in college I wanted to study atmospheric science (and about 5 other degrees, but that talk is for another day).
I haven't finished my degree at KU yet (another topic for another day, but basically it comes down to my daughter at the moment). I've learned so much about weather in the time I was at KU. With the rise of social media over the last few years, it's hard not to follow depending on your neck of the woods. It's an interesting science full of dynamics (literally, took dynamic atmo, I have the mental and emotional battle scars to prove it.)
However this year, it's taken it's toll on me. We've seen major EF5 tornadoes wipe towns off the map. Joplin, MO and Tuscaloosa, AL are the major ones that stick out. Reading, KS was hit by an EF3, which for a small town, is devastating. Every year I see more and more chasers out there, and this is extremely dangerous! Seems like a lot of you don't know how to abide by driving laws, yeah I said it and the YouTube videos are out there to prove it! It's just been week after week of severe weather here, severe weather around family, severe weather devastating the lives of friends. It hasn't been fun. I used to get really excited and giddy over severe weather, now it just gives me anxiety. It's not that my passion for weather has changed any. I love studying the weather, making forecasts, and learning why things happen the way they do. Maybe it's because I have a daughter now, and I just can't ride the weather like I used to. I have to make sure she is ok too.
I guess my point of this rambling about severe weather is that, yeah it's cool. It's fun to see a tornado. It's incredible to watch a storm build out of nothing, and produce wicked acts of nature. But please take heed to it. It's not something to take lightly. Please always be prepared with an emergency kit. Food, water, batteries, chargers, flashlights, radios...whatever you feel you need for. Have a plan of action ready to go.
This Public Service Announcement was brought to you by, Me :)
I haven't finished my degree at KU yet (another topic for another day, but basically it comes down to my daughter at the moment). I've learned so much about weather in the time I was at KU. With the rise of social media over the last few years, it's hard not to follow depending on your neck of the woods. It's an interesting science full of dynamics (literally, took dynamic atmo, I have the mental and emotional battle scars to prove it.)
However this year, it's taken it's toll on me. We've seen major EF5 tornadoes wipe towns off the map. Joplin, MO and Tuscaloosa, AL are the major ones that stick out. Reading, KS was hit by an EF3, which for a small town, is devastating. Every year I see more and more chasers out there, and this is extremely dangerous! Seems like a lot of you don't know how to abide by driving laws, yeah I said it and the YouTube videos are out there to prove it! It's just been week after week of severe weather here, severe weather around family, severe weather devastating the lives of friends. It hasn't been fun. I used to get really excited and giddy over severe weather, now it just gives me anxiety. It's not that my passion for weather has changed any. I love studying the weather, making forecasts, and learning why things happen the way they do. Maybe it's because I have a daughter now, and I just can't ride the weather like I used to. I have to make sure she is ok too.
I guess my point of this rambling about severe weather is that, yeah it's cool. It's fun to see a tornado. It's incredible to watch a storm build out of nothing, and produce wicked acts of nature. But please take heed to it. It's not something to take lightly. Please always be prepared with an emergency kit. Food, water, batteries, chargers, flashlights, radios...whatever you feel you need for. Have a plan of action ready to go.
This Public Service Announcement was brought to you by, Me :)
Oh blogger
I've been toying around with the idea of blogging again. I find myself involved in the most intense thoughts sometimes, that I feel like I need to share them. Although, that may have it's downsides ;) And where on earth would I find the time to blog? I am now the mother of a 9-month old baby girl, working full-time, trying to have a tiny bit of a social and dating life (which, btw, I suck at!) I won't go into the dating life on here. I like to keep some aspects of my life somewhat private (albeit the occasional emo tweeting). So who knows, check here more often, we'll see what happens.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Early Alzheimer's identification method discovered
This article brings me so much hope! Alzheimer's runs in the family on my mom's side with the women. My great aunts in Wisconsin are part of a major, nationwide research project going on right now to catch Alzheimer's at early onset, and treat it with numerous methods, ie, diet, exercise, vitamin treatments. One of my great-cousins has actually regressed out of her symptoms from early onset Alzheimer's!
Early Alzheimer's identification method discovered
ScienceDaily (July 9, 2010) — Abnormal brain images combined with examination of the composition of the fluid that surrounds the spine may offer the earliest signs identifying healthy older adults at risk of developing Alzheimer's disease, well before cognitive problems emerge, a study by researchers at UC Davis has found.
"Our findings indicate that a distinctive pattern of imaging and biomarker deviations from typical adults may be an early warning sign of neurobiological pathology and an early sign of Alzheimer's disease," said Laurel Beckett, a professor of public health sciences at UC Davis and the lead study author. "By the time people get diagnosed with Alzheimer's using cognitive tests, there's already a lot of brain damage. We hope that in the future methods that combine brain imaging and biomarker assessments can push the diagnosis back, while learning more about the mechanisms causing Alzheimer's disease, so we can develop better treatments."
Published in the journal Neurobiology of Aging in June, the study analysis picked out a subgroup of healthy adults who later would experience a decline in memory performance typical of early Alzheimer's disease long before other study participants.
For the study, Beckett and her team used data from the Alzheimer's Disease Neuroimaging Initiative, which provides researchers with access to brain scans, clinical data and other laboratory results from spinal fluid and blood tests from more than 800 older adults. Some study participants began with a clean slate of cognitive health, some with mild cognitive impairment -- a condition that often presages Alzheimer's -- and others with mild or moderate Alzheimer's disease.
The researchers analyzed data from 220 normal older adults who had undergone structural magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) and clinical examinations. About half also provided spinal fluid samples. Among the 96 participants, cluster analysis identified three distinct subgroups of individuals based solely on their baseline imaging and laboratory measures. During the next three years, few of these healthy people showed any cognitive change. But cognitive tests for people in one of the subgroups -- about 10 percent of the sample -- declined at nearly five times the rate as healthy older adults. The researchers believe this group, which had the most extreme MRI and spinal fluid measurements, may represent the earliest stages of subclinical cognitive decline and Alzheimer's disease.
Beckett said that the finding is an important step toward discovering the constellation of imaging and fluid biomarkers that foreshadow cognitive decline, as well as a means of determining whether new treatments are effective.
"The problem with current clinical trials is that we don't know who is on the edge of experiencing dementia. And even if we did, how would we know if a treatment was working, since they haven't shown any clinical problems?" Beckett said. "This method could improve clinical trials for prevention and reduce the numbers of study participants necessary to speed drug discovery -- and eventually change how the pharmaceutical industry and National Institutes of Health conduct Alzheimer's disease clinical trials."
Other study authors include Jasmine Nettiksimmons, Danielle Harvey, Owen Carmichael and Charles DeCarli of UC Davis; James Brewer of UC San Diego; Clifford R. Jack Jr. and Ronald Petersen of the Mayo Clinic College of Medicine; and Leslie Shaw, John Trojanowski and Michael Weiner of UC San Francisco.
The study was funded by the Alzheimer's Disease Neuroimaging Initiative, the National Institutes of Health and the Dana Foundation.
Early Alzheimer's identification method discovered
ScienceDaily (July 9, 2010) — Abnormal brain images combined with examination of the composition of the fluid that surrounds the spine may offer the earliest signs identifying healthy older adults at risk of developing Alzheimer's disease, well before cognitive problems emerge, a study by researchers at UC Davis has found.
"Our findings indicate that a distinctive pattern of imaging and biomarker deviations from typical adults may be an early warning sign of neurobiological pathology and an early sign of Alzheimer's disease," said Laurel Beckett, a professor of public health sciences at UC Davis and the lead study author. "By the time people get diagnosed with Alzheimer's using cognitive tests, there's already a lot of brain damage. We hope that in the future methods that combine brain imaging and biomarker assessments can push the diagnosis back, while learning more about the mechanisms causing Alzheimer's disease, so we can develop better treatments."
Published in the journal Neurobiology of Aging in June, the study analysis picked out a subgroup of healthy adults who later would experience a decline in memory performance typical of early Alzheimer's disease long before other study participants.
For the study, Beckett and her team used data from the Alzheimer's Disease Neuroimaging Initiative, which provides researchers with access to brain scans, clinical data and other laboratory results from spinal fluid and blood tests from more than 800 older adults. Some study participants began with a clean slate of cognitive health, some with mild cognitive impairment -- a condition that often presages Alzheimer's -- and others with mild or moderate Alzheimer's disease.
The researchers analyzed data from 220 normal older adults who had undergone structural magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) and clinical examinations. About half also provided spinal fluid samples. Among the 96 participants, cluster analysis identified three distinct subgroups of individuals based solely on their baseline imaging and laboratory measures. During the next three years, few of these healthy people showed any cognitive change. But cognitive tests for people in one of the subgroups -- about 10 percent of the sample -- declined at nearly five times the rate as healthy older adults. The researchers believe this group, which had the most extreme MRI and spinal fluid measurements, may represent the earliest stages of subclinical cognitive decline and Alzheimer's disease.
Beckett said that the finding is an important step toward discovering the constellation of imaging and fluid biomarkers that foreshadow cognitive decline, as well as a means of determining whether new treatments are effective.
"The problem with current clinical trials is that we don't know who is on the edge of experiencing dementia. And even if we did, how would we know if a treatment was working, since they haven't shown any clinical problems?" Beckett said. "This method could improve clinical trials for prevention and reduce the numbers of study participants necessary to speed drug discovery -- and eventually change how the pharmaceutical industry and National Institutes of Health conduct Alzheimer's disease clinical trials."
Other study authors include Jasmine Nettiksimmons, Danielle Harvey, Owen Carmichael and Charles DeCarli of UC Davis; James Brewer of UC San Diego; Clifford R. Jack Jr. and Ronald Petersen of the Mayo Clinic College of Medicine; and Leslie Shaw, John Trojanowski and Michael Weiner of UC San Francisco.
The study was funded by the Alzheimer's Disease Neuroimaging Initiative, the National Institutes of Health and the Dana Foundation.
just the basics
Does this look a little familiar? Yeah if you read my old blogger it probably does. So why didn't I just change my old blog, instead of making this whole new home? It's all about new beginnings, and that's kind of been my theme for the last few months. Fresh re-start! It's pretty basic right now, but I'll continue to work on this site, add fun stuff, and make it all purdy :) So keep coming back to check it out!
I'm changing the direction of this blog (maybe it will help me update more *wink*). I'm no longer going to be blogging about the personal and private things in my life. Instead, I'm going to focus on posting about things that matter to me (and I'll try to avoid politics too haha!). Issues on health, fitness, diet, exercise, and also becoming a mom. This way, it benefits me, and also maybe benefit others. Hopefully it will be more interesting :)
I am a magazine JUNKIE! I used to have a zillion magazine subscriptions. However, now that I work at a used bookstore that sells magazine on the cheap, and also with having more time on my hands these days (more about that later), I spend a lot of my days on the internet doing research on said issues above. What I do with the magazines, is I read through them, find the interesting articles, recipes, and exercises, then I cut them out and condense them in a notebook so I have all this information at my finger tips and not have to flip through all of these magazines! I also recycle them when I'm done, so no worries about all the waste *wink*. I used to do this a lot at my former job because I would sit at my desk for 8 hours a day listening to conference calls, and doing my little project was the best way for me to still be production at my job, and do something a little fun. Here are a few of my notebooks :)
People that have known me for a long time, know how much of a health freak I used to be (used to spend 2-3 hours at the gym almost every day), and getting back into it. For a few years there I fell off the bandwagon pretty hard! Picked up a drinking habit, and a pack-of-smokes-a-day habit (YUCK!) Doing these "lifestyle" journals used to really help focus me on the things I wanted, and being a healthy person. So I've been getting back into them lately (again, part of that might be is that I have A LOT of time on my hands these days!). If I find anything fun and interesting, I'll let ya'll know!
Ok, onto the pregnancy news! I will 29 weeks along as of this weekend! Can't believe "Little Bean" and I have made this far! We have stumbled onto health issues now though. As of about 3 weeks ago, I had to take a medical leave of absence. For you that don't know, I have a heart condition, non-ischemic dilated cardiomyopathy (in english, my left side of my heart is extremely weak, and I only get a full heart beat every third beat. My heart beats at about 30% of it's capacity. I don't have an enlarged heart or blockage). I knew I would have to go on bed rest at some point in time, but I was hoping to make it through August before it happened (I'm due September 26th)! But after consulting all my doctors (which right now is a team of 5 doctors and specialists), they feel getting a lot of rest and taking it easy is the best for both of us right now. So here we are, about 10 weeks away from the big moment, just taking it easy! She's growing more and more every day, and so am I haha! With all of this down time, I've started working on some of the art projects for her that I had planned. Making her afghans, quilts, and working on a few paintings for above her crib. Haven't settled on a name yet. I have a few in mind, and I probably won't reveal her name until she's here.
That's about it for now! Come back for some fun postings :) I'm going to keep this blog focused on health/fitness/diet, crafts, pregnancy/baby news, so I'll be posting articles, news, and fun stuff.
Much Love
XOXO
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